3 Replies Latest reply on Aug 23, 2009 5:25 PM by jkom51

    retirement

    manear
      I guess not a new subject and one that is more or less discussed by many. What do you do when your husband has decided to retired because it was the right thing for him to do (from Chrysler with a buy-out and before things get too hairy) but you want to continue working? Is that demeaning to him? He is more and more resenting when he sees me leaving the house in the morning knowing I am going out to earn my living while he is house-bound(his choice) and has nothing better to do but to tend garden, cook some meals and possibly babysit his grandchildren.  I try to carry out some chores when I come back, but many times I am exhausted and end up postponing most of the work for the week-end.  I am afraid this is going to end bad, but do not believe in divorce and cannot see myself parting after so many years together going through financial and emotional crises. How do one handle things of this sort? I heard of people divorcing after retirement and was not making sense then, but now sounds like an option, hate to say.
        • Re: retirement
          JDS
          Have you tried inviting other retired couples (husbands) over for dinner and let the husbands talk.  At the least they can gripe together.  Or how about travel?  Perhaps there is somewhere he would like to go, with one of the kids or grandkids.
            • Re: retirement
              manear

              Thanks for the ideas.  There are things he could do, but apparently his idea so far has been to implicate me into it. Which is really strange. There were times early on in our married life when I could not participate in certain activities and he would not hesitate to leave me home with the children and go with the group and do things.  I was not too happy then, but right now I would consider that a strike of luck.  Well, I guess I am not that lucky, at least not so far.   The idea of inviting people over in similar situation sounds pretty good, although he has obviously retired a little ahead of his age, so we have to wait a couple of years before we can see some of our relations in a similar pattern. Once again, thanks for the ideas. I'll keep them in mind and who knows, something may come up after all.

                • Re: retirement
                  jkom51

                  Your DH sounds like he needs to get a life. Seriously! His entire identity seems bound up in being the working male supporting his family. Without that, he's lost an essential part of himself.

                  Remember the old saying about 'when a door closes, another one opens?" That's what he needs to come to grips with. Is there anyone who can counsel him? The priest/pastor of your church, perhaps?

                  He has to realize he's still a vital, intelligent, experienced person, with much to give to others. Volunteer work would get him off the sofa and involved with helping others, which is always a good way to feel good about oneself. Finding a new hobby - adult education classes are a great resource - would probably perk him up no end. He needs to get out of the house, and make himself part of the community at large. Good luck to both of you!