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    Senior and single

    MyR Community Manager

      If you're single, and are retired or approaching retirement, this discussion thread is for you.

           
      • Living      alone, what are the unique challenges or joys you experience?
      •    
      • Would      you prefer to have a spouse or partner? If yes, why? If no, why not?
      •    
      • What      methods have you used to find friends and companionship?

       Discuss...

        • 1. Re: Senior and single
          Hildegaard
          My grousing about "Colorado cowboys" to Paul (not knowing he was in Denver!) prompted this thread.  There is a significant difference between "senior and single" in the general population (beyond the Beltway) and senior and single in this organization. Let's be real!  If you don't have a passport and can't discuss international affairs, we wouldn't have much in common.
          I'm recently widowed and find living alone when semi-retired (even though I'm in touch with my children daily--their choice!) is an unhappy situation. I'm traveling abroad (solo) to visit intentional communities this winter and will join in meet-up groups of interest in Colorado. But, are there organizations or groups that draw the more intellectually engaged? 
          • 2. Re: Senior and single
            Mindy
            I am retired and single.  The unique challenge being a single is the changing relationship with married friends, and the odd feeling of being different.  As I travel alone, I wish that people don't notice that I am alone.  I no longer have close friendship with male friends  who are married because I am now single.  Another big challenge is the fear of having service people working in my house.  My friend who is single and had her house broken in twice.
            The joy of live alone is the freedom and time. 
            I would like to have a good friend who I can talk with him about a lots of things we both interest, and share our thoughts and good time.
            I believe in fate.  If I would have a good companion I will meet him somehow. 
            • 3. Re: Senior and single
              mandre
              Living alone while getting older can be a challenge at  times. I am soon (next week actually) to see my 61st birthday and there  are times I wish I had a partner to carry in the groceries, shovel the  sidewalks, and cut the grass.

              that changes however with how my body feels or how I am feeling  psychologically. As a divorced woman who owns a home, there are times  when I feel overwhelmed by everything but then again, I am not sure I  can live with someone after being on my own for 14 years.

              I think one of my main challenges is asking for help - my son and I  were having a conversation the other evening and he told me he would  stop in anytime I needed him to do something. I appreciated the  sentiment but know I can't ask for help. I still have that feeling that  as "mom," I'm supposed to be the one doing the helping.

              I do get lonely at times but I still work and have many friends  there. I would love however to find someone I could dine out with or go  to movies with and I do miss dancing.

              Not real challenges I guess....but things I do think about while being senior and single.

              Marie
              • 4. Re: Senior and single
                HeatherOC
                I moved 6 months ago from DC area to Shenandoah Valley.  Find an AAUW near you! Wonderful folks, many interests, lots of professors and other professionals. My group has had an active book club for more than 35 years!!! We even have a member who is male and teaches women's studies...gives a program now and then.  And sometimes husbands and significant others participate in activities, too.  PEO is another such group.  My mother has belonged for eons.  
                • 5. Re: Senior and single
                  acupunto
                  HI Hildegard 

                  I am also in Denver , sigle and senior .. in 21 days exactly ..I tango and practice Martial Arts.. I keep active and I would love to join a group of like minded people ..
                  I am interested in travel.. I want to walk El Camino Portugues and dance in Buenos Aires .. This is my senior year .. This I will do with Gods help ..

                  maria 

                  my email is acupunto@yahoo.com
                   
                  • 6. Re: Senior and single
                    DesignerOne
                    "I wish I had a partner to carry in the groceries, shovel the  sidewalks, and cut the grass."  It sounds as if you want a Handyman, not a partner.  Doing this kind of work will keep your muscles and bones from becoming weak.
                    • 7. Re: Senior and single
                      Mindy
                      Hi everyone,
                       
                      It is very interesting that all interested in the discussion are single retired or near retire woman. 
                       
                      My doctor, who is also single woman, once told me that most of divorced men got married soon, and most divorced women stay single.  I think that after so many years of taking care of everyone in the family but ourselves, we appreciate our freedom more than anything else.  It took me two years to be a happy single woman.
                       
                      To be a retired single woman faces a lots of challenges married woman will not have.  Self confident and financial sufficient are the keys. 
                       
                       I have five friends who are retired single women live in the same community.  Two could not stand being alone and found their men and  now live with them.  Other three and I stay single.
                       
                      One thing a single woman need to learn is to travel alone.  It takes time and experience to be able to enjoy travel alone.  I met many travel alone women everywhere around the world when I was still married.  So I decided to do it after divorce, now I enjoy travel alone.  I would enjoy travel with friends too, but if no friends available, I make travel plan and all the reservations.  Take a fllight to the destination, rent a car, drive to the resort, check in and enjoy.
                      • 8. Re: Senior and single
                        Mansour
                        Hi Mindy;
                         
                        I just joined this Senior and Single group.  Due  to lots of social factors lots of people are singed out and do not have social life.
                        Human being is a social creature and social life is a component of her/his life.  So, I do not surprise if there are so many singles on antidepresant medicines.
                        I think people need to be more flexible and encourage themselves to get their right friend for their lives in any form fiting their lives.  This isolation is not what we need.
                        • 9. Re: Senior and single
                          Mindy
                          Hi Mansour
                           
                          Welcome to Senior and Single discussion
                           
                          I believe that for most of us, senior and single women and men, being single especialy senior years is not our first choice.  I stay single only because the alternative is worse.
                           
                          Being senior and single, we don't have luxury of wasting time, and can't afford to make mistake.  Being alone is not neccessarily lonely, and lonesome people are not neccessarity live alone.  Most of us had marriage, good or bad, and had happy days and difficult times.  Nevertherless, most of us do want companion.
                           
                          As many solo travelers, I travel alone only because family and friends have their obligations, and I don't want to wait.  I remember the first time I vacation alone was because my girlfriend who planed to be with me could not make it.  I didn't want to quit, and dicided to travel alone.  I drove 50 miles  from the airport in the dark to the beach resort I never been before. It was 9:30 PM, when I checked into the two bedroom ocean front unit.  I spent the next hour on the balcony, looking over the Atlantic and listening to the roar of the wave, and was glad that I made it by myself.
                           
                          I do agree with you that we should not isolate ourselves.  I have wonderful family and friends, and always open for new friends.
                          • 10. Re: Senior and single
                            Mansour
                            Yes; everybody is scared of the "alternative".  The concept of "marriage" is an old and wrong way of living atmosphere for human being. This has been defined long time ago by religions to chain couples togethere!
                            We need to define new relationships to to keep us together for 
                            longer time with the right of not losing our freedom and privacy.
                             
                            Once, not long time ago, a student approached me in campus to share info and get support for gay marriage. I told her to go and enjoy her life with her partner as long as they can enjoy their lives with keeping all their rights. Marriage is not sharing freedom or interest; it's breaking and dividing them to the price of giving up  their rights.
                             
                            Have a good weekend...
                            • 11. Re: Senior and single
                              Mindy
                              When I was working in Michgan State University, one graduate student who stayed in the guest room of a senior single woman.  She was devorced and her exhusband lived also in East Lansing.  The graduate student told me that the divorced couple always traveled and had dinner together , and they were good friends.  I did not understand at that time, almost 20 years ago and I was younger and married, but I do know why now.
                               
                              Once I traveled to New Zealand, when we checkec in, and registered relationship as husband and wife, the hotel clark said they called this relationship as parterners not husband and wife.  A new concept of marriage.  
                               
                              I guess that a companionship or parternership could be established between senior singles, which brings the joy  of sharing while their freedom and privacy remains intact.  It would be nice if it is possible.  I have seen my single serior girlfriends have been trying , and it is very difficult.
                              • 12. Re: Senior and single
                                EPWA49
                                I have been divorced for 17 years but have maintained a good relationship with my ex.  Until the kids got old enough to be on their own, we took trips together to the coast and to Canada.  We still go out shopping and to dinner together once in a while.  It is just a rut I have got myself into over the years because it is easy and there are no expectations.  I would like to find someone else I could really talk to and do things with but don't know if I want to share my home with someone, much less get married again.  Things might change after retirement but, after being at work all day, I love coming home and having it to myself.  I really don't have any challenges yet to living by myself as I am still in good enough shape to work in my yard and get up on my roof to clean it off.  Other things like repairs I can hire someone to do.
                                 
                                I joined an online message board with the object of checking on other areas for possible relocation after retirement.  I became involved with a group for women in my age group and got to meet one of them when she was out here from Georgia to see her kids.  Several members of the group get together for a few days each year in a different part of the country.  This one asked me if I would like to join them this last September for a trip to New Orleans.  I would not have gone if I hadn't met her in person as this was totally out of my comfort zone.  I had a wonderful time.  The others were from several different states and Canada and were a mixture of married and divorced.  If everything works out, this year's trip will be to Boston and may include a few new faces.  I am already looking forward to it.
                                 
                                I have local friends but they seem to either have physical or money issues that keep them from traveling.
                                • 13. Re: Senior and single
                                  Mansour
                                  I have been divorced less than one year now.  I would like to meet and know more people. I need to spend some times in searching for new people, may be online first. This takes time.  I consider myself in pre-senior class, may be because I'm still working and not retired!?
                                  • 14. Re: Senior and single
                                    Lilybee
                                    That is a great idea for singles/partners to meet in different cities and tour places or just hang out. 
                                     
                                    I've been divorced for 22 years (geez), but retired since 2006.  The only way I would get married or partner with anyone again (after two marriages) is if he agreed to live next door. :):)  I've had a number of male friends and a few offers, but not anyone I want to live in my house.  I too had been close with my ex, even after he remarried, but he now has Alzheimers and a good wife for a caretaker.
                                     
                                    Throughout my career, I've lived in a dozen states, so traveling has never been a drawback for me.  I just haven't done it as much lately, but it is enjoyable.  Plan to continue as long as possible.
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