Our son is 35 years old and lost his job about 1 year ago due to his own fault. He has three chlidren 13, 10, 8 and we agreed to finance his continued education (college) plus child support. in form of a two year loan.
His financial savyness is questionable and we are afraid that we have excessively enabled him.
We appreciate any open and frank thought and any recommendation, how to improve his "financial skills"
1953, you used the key word: ANY JOB ! Today people generally go unemployed bec. they cannot find a job in specific specialty, unwilling to do ANY JOB until the "good" job with the "right salary" is found... very spoiled. Ever clean toilet until...? Then we scuff at the illegal aliens who have to do that work. Imagine the unemployed going out to do ANY JOB out there until the mess the government/big banks created improves ! The problem of unemployment would be resolved almost instantly, and illegal aliens would not find those jobs !
Yes, I know, Americans don't live like that, right? Good luck; we'd better wake up to new realities.
You are right on D1953. Like with any other profession, you have to educate yourself in order to seek and obtain good advice from "professionals".
Unfortunately we have a culture now in which a prolonged adolescence lasts into the 30s! It took me a long time to convince my wife that supporting her son in his 30s, unemployed college drop out, was actually ruining his life by removing any incentive to take responsibility for his actions (or lack thereof). I had to be the "bad cop". But when I refused to let him move back in with us, he figured he better get a job, since mommy was no longer paying for his apartment and living expenses. Now, 9 years later, he has grown up into a real man, has a good job, a wonderful wife and a son about eight months old.
I see this epidemic of adult children loafing in the homes of their well to do parents. Not good for them, their parents and ultimately our country.
My sympathies; but - that's the way it is with Generation X-ers (and Generation Y-ers and New Mellinnials)
If you can afford, offer to help your son acquire the kills he needs to support himself in the lifestyle he prefers - but set firm boundaries. Like "I can subsidize your education up to $___, provided you are commit to ABC" - if your son is one of those who expects unlimited support with no strings, you have to be totally open and candid on how you feel and what your finances permit.
I understand your dilemma-- you don't want to "enable" (i.e., enfeeble) your son, but you don't want him and his wife and kids to starve, either. I suggest you do 3 things: 1) stop paying for his education-- he doesn't have the luxury for that right now. He needs to get a JOB; 2) limit your support to "matching funds"-- he shows you a paystub and you will match it with an equal amount of money; and 3) your financial support is never in the form of cash, only gift cards or direct payments. A gift card at the local supermarket, for example, or you reimburse him when he presents you with a prescription receipt. That way you will be helping to make sure he and his family eat, but you won't be subsidizing unnecessary expenditures.
Tell him to man up. Tell him you have confidence that he can pull out of this. Offer to help him and his wife review their budget and find places to economize. If they won't do that, refer them to a free credit counselling service. He may well get very angry with you, and you need to be prepared for that. But, in the long run, he will feel proud of himself that he found a way to solve his own problems with only a little help from you.
I relate to all of the above in a very personal way. I have 28 year old son who is backliving at home in my studio apartment . He is 20-25 hours shy of his Biology degree and works part time in a fine retaurant as a wine and bar manager. He is financially a disaster owing the feds 40,000 in student loans , a car note, a health care bill, and a seperate note for his after the fed student loan.
My wife and I are trying to get our last 17 year old daughter through high school andoff to college. We both want to retire from 30 years of teaching in 6-7 years, but I am so afraid of what will happen with my hanging on son.
I feel your pain.
A friend sent this to me last year:
Bill Gates offers these tips to the nearly 4 million high school and college graduates heading to their first jobs this summer:
I relate to all of the above in a very personal way. I have 28 year old son who is backliving at home in my studio apartment . He is 20-25 hours shy of his Biology degree and works part time in a fine retaurant as a wine and bar manager. He is financially a disaster ...
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