6 Replies Latest reply on Nov 16, 2010 1:35 PM by Robertawe

    Parents Care

    ClaudiaT
      My father died 15 years ago and it was the first time my mother ever lived alone. She was still driving and kept herself busy visiting relatives. After having a fire in her condo, we moved her to a senior living facility. She loved it. Still could still drive, covered parking and 2 meals a day. After 13 years, she needed assisted living and could not afford to stay in the retirement community that she loved. I helped her apply for public aid and she moved to a new assisted place that had full pay and took people on aid. She did not like it there as it was too far from us and she no longer was driving. After one year we moved her to a private nursing home run by nuns. They take great care of her. She has a private room and has been in fairly good health for 2 years.  Although she would like to live with me, a two story house will not accomodate a 94 year old in a wheel chair.  I often suffer guilt, but in the big picture she is getting better care as everything she needs is provided for her.
        • Re: Parents Care
          michele
          Claudia, I too am now in the position of finding aid for my parents. Dad is 94 and Mom 90. My dad is in failing health and has hospice care in home for 4 hrs per day. Unfortunately the need for 24 hour care has come and because his decline has been rapid medicaid has not yet been approved. This leaves the monetary burden of home care on my sister and me. The veteran's Administration is supposed to supply an aid for 6 hours per week but they have not come through with the help yet. I wish that these government agencies would recognize the urgency of some situations and not stall with all of the red tape. It is a terrible hardship both monetarily and emotionally on the family caregivers. My mom has mild dimentia and also needs help. My sister and I can not stay home to care for them. We are now both working to pay for their home health aid. The process is too slow if you don't put them in a home and in some cases putting them in a home is not the best solution to their needs. We are struggling and emotionally drained.
            • Re: Parents Care
              ClaudiaT
              In Illinois it only took one afternoon to apply for public aid and then a trip back with the required papers. If your parents are without funds or extremely low on fund $2000 each. They are eligible for aid.  Finding a nursing home is another matter. There is a site on the internet that shows all the nursing homes, locations and their violations.  
                • Re: Parents Care
                  WillOWisp
                  Unfortunately, you cannot go by just the statistics.  In 2002, my mother had to go to a nursing home. She has an allergy to all poultry products.  It took them two weeks to stop serving her food with poultry products in it.  Luckily, my mom had all her faculties, and knew to ask about each and every thing on the tray  they were giving her.  Also, they left her overnight in a wet diaper, and she got six large bed sores that were open and bleeding.  My mom was there for physical therapy.  The physical therapist hounded my mom and threatened her with dismissing her from therapy if she didn't do all of what the physical therapist asked her to do.  It was very very painful with all those bed sores.  I called the hospital my mom had come from, and they told me that the nursing home could measure the size and number of the sores, and that would probably qualify her for nursing care, not just physical therapy.  However, the home never changed my mom's status because then they would have had to report that she got the bed sores while she was there.  The taunting and stressfulness continued, and we had to request another physical therapist. This sounds like a very bad home; however if you look at their statistics it's supposed to be a very good nursing home.  My sister thought it was a wonderful home because her mother-in-law was there with Alzheimer's.  Unfortunately she could not complain as my mother could to tell my sister how wrong her assumptions were.
                • Re: Parents Care
                  dmfiar

                  For those who posted something about placement for your loved ones.  I feel your pain,  I worked in the nursing homes and assisted livings for over 25 years,  I now do private duty hoping I can spare one person for having to place there loved one in a home. 

                  One suggestion: beleive what your loved one is telling you and show up at ALL times of the day or night.  You need to know what goes on behind close doors.  No one will tell you what is happening.

                  Long term care insurance will help out with this and not leave you so torn financially. Not that I am selling long term insurance but for the clients I have who have that it makes the burden less.

                    • Re: Parents Care
                      A nursing home/assisted living near the guardian is an ideal.  You need to visit your parents frequently-as in daily-and as what the previous writer said, at different times.  When you do not show concern for your parents, then the staff would not also.  I knew of a son who came every morning and ate breakfast with his mother.  The staff loved him and his mother.  And do not forget to bring fruits for the staff every now and then.  That is the ticket for good care.
                        • Re: Parents Care
                          Robertawe

                          My aunt, the baby of the family (6 deceased) and she lives in the house she was born in which sits on 5 acres.  She and her dog share the home and a caregiver comes in approximately 2 hours in the a.m. (to get her breakfast and get her going) and 2 hours at night (dinner is prepared and they eat together).  She says she's not going anywhere unless it's feet first.

                          My mother lived with Aunti M and (I found out) did everything for them - cooked, cleaned, decision making.  Now Aunti M has me to do her $$$ and put out her daily pills plus go with her to doc appointments.  She is 87 years old, uses bad language as adjectives (in the doc's office or out in public - she's cut it down somewhat).  I've been doing this for 5 years since my mother passed away -

                          My cousin helps when she can but she still works and has COPD plus her husband's family is demanding of their time.  I'm 68 and tired.  I am married to a wonderful man who is 10 years older than I and now he is starting to show periodic signs of dementia.  I have a 41 year old son who is developmentally disabled (who is finally living in a mentoring home).  My mother used to say "she wanted to run away".  I feel the same way plus I am being sucked of any chance of happiness.  I look around and other people have the same problems - I guess it's the time of life.  I want desperately to be rid of Aunti M - BUT I know the guilt would eat me and I will never be able to turn loose of her responsibilities  until she dies.